im not mad

you know i'm not mad about people who are saying awful things about me, and trying to hurt me. i was mad before, and i was hateful. and i know now i cant be like that. its bad for me and its selfish. i am strong for my sister and my frail little sense of self and so she can grow up. i don't know how to believe in a god anymore, but i figure if i can it will be a good investment. i can try really hard and believe in something bigger than god so that in turn i am believing in god, too. and so i will ask him to make the lives of the envious and lustful and hateful full of love and help them to love themselves so they will not have to hurt others. and i will not hate others. though they hate me.